Listen in to hear Jen and Bridger talk in-depth about recognize, the R in RUAC.

Missed episode 25? Listen here to learn more about R.A.U.C.


  • First, learn to recognize what dysregulation looks like in ourselves and others.
  • Recognizing isn’t just a thinking experience but also includes body responses.
  • Second, start to get curious about what the feelings in your body are trying to communicate.
  • Third, we can start to watch how certain situations might cause activation within our bodies and learn other’s activation patterns.
  • Note, Making others aware that you’ve recognized their activation can cause a spectrum of responses.

Slowing Down

  • Take the time to sit with yourself and notice how you’re feeling.
  • Simply noticing and putting words to the patterns or feelings of activation rather than jumping in with defenses, accusations, assumptions, or interpretations.
  • Learn to recognize the people and situations it’s safe enough to show your vulnerable parts to.

What feelings were not okay to have while growing up?

  • Elicits a visceral response in the body
  • Take inventory of what physical sensations feelings bring up in your body.
  • Learning the meaning of bodily cues takes time.
  • Activation exists in outward and inward, more shutdown, expressions.

Recognize Your Window of Tolerance

  • The goal isn’t to avoid overwhelming feelings
  • Instead, the goal is to learn what sends us in what direction and how we handle it when that happens
  • Over time, through this recognizing process, we can begin to broaden our window of tolerance
  • With this broadened window, we can move through emotions with flexibility.
  • Therefore, when activation occurs, we become aware of it, then bring ourselves safely back to that window.


  • First, try to recognize your activation
    • What do I feel right now?
    • Where do I feel it in my body?
    • What’s coming up for me at this moment?
  • Then, as you get more curious and familiar with that, you’ll naturally be able to start noticing and recognizing other people
    • In a safe relationship, try to point it out
    • “Hey, I noticed something new. Is it okay if I talk to you about this?” 
    • “I’m curious about this. Can we explore that together?”

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