Listen in as we explore the connections between healing from trauma and close relationships.
How does trauma impact our family and relationships?
-Struggles with trust: our earlier life experiences shape our nervous systems in a way that may identify intimate relationships as dangerous. This will impact our ability to trust our closest relationships in life.
-Struggles with codependency: Melody Beattie “Co-Dependent No More”
-Co-dysregulation: When an individual’s state of dysregulation initiates another individual’s state of dysregulation. This often results in a progressive escalation of dysregulation for each individual
-Projection: Responding to our present relationships as if they were the same as our past relationships.
What is the impact of healing from trauma on family and relationships?
-Change is hard even when it is positive
-When one partner begins to heal, the old system (previous unspoken agreements) is no longer effective. This may trigger the partner or other family members and increase the dysregulation of that person.
-Co-regulation: The experience of maintaining a state of emotional regulation through responsive interaction that provides the support, coaching, and modeling children (humans) need to understand, express, and modulate their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors
-Safety: We need to have a life that is relationally safe enough for us to heal. Try to spend more time with people that are capable of providing that safety. When we are in an active healing process we are often more vulnerable and more sensitive.
“Safety is the treatment, safety is therapy.” — The Heart of Trauma by Bonnie Badenoch
-Motivation: People often engage in therapy because they have been advised to do so as a result of their present maladaptive responses to there present life circumstances.
Trauma Informed Relationships:
– If all members of the relationship are trauma informed, there is a much greater opportunity of experiencing co-regulation with one another.
– By understanding our patterns of activation we gain power over our responses and be more proactive in avoiding/preventing dysregulation.
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